By the time I was old enough to begin developing any political interests, my parents had already divorced. Since I was screwed up enough by that event in my life to be labeled a problem child, I served out the remaining couple of years of adolescences in the custody of a very domineering godmother and her family. Don’t get me wrong, I do and always will appreciate what she did for me, she didn’t have too… But, it was a very conservative environment, and one couldn’t help but be influenced by it. My godmother and her husband were very supportive of Nixon administration, even though the wheels began to fall off of that bus shortly after I left to go into the Navy in 1973, and were even stronger supporters of the conservative movement started in the Goldwater years. I guess it not hard to understand that some of that conservative element would rub off on me. So, let’s just say that indoctrination is much easy with our youth than enlightenment, and that works as well for some of my liberal counterparts of the era.
After my service in the Navy, and participating in the real end to the Vietnam War, my political views were really pretty raw. I say the real end to the Vietnam War because most history books will tell you that we end the war and left Vietnam in 1973. NOT TRUE!!! You’ve all been told that hostilities in Vietnam had ended in 1973 with the signing of a cease-fire, and that all U.S. Troops left the country. Again I say, Not True. Suffice to say, I know, I was there. Those who know me know some of my stories, but, I’ve moved on and do not talk about my military experiences unless there is a damned good reason, so I not going to change that policy here. The only thing you need to know is what effective it had on my political views. I turned 18 and eligible to vote in 1973, so I missed the ’72 election. Being exposed to mostly conservative views before I turned 18, I probably would have voted to reelect Nixon. But, coming home from Vietnam with those experiences, and the recent debacles of the Nixon administration, I had a less than favorable opinion of the Republican Party. When I did get my first chance to vote, being a disillusioned young conservative, I cast a protest vote for Jimmy Carter. Beside, everyone knew that after Nixon, there was no way Gerald Ford and the Republicans weren’t going to get another term.
Well, for a young conservative, that couldn’t have been a worse choice. At the time, young and inexperienced in the ways of politics and the economy, Jimmy Carter came off to me as one of the worst things that ever happened to The United State of America, and I have helped to elect him! Argh!!! So, I embraced my conservative Republican side, and jumped at the opportunity to elect Ronald Regan in 1980. While I was still searching for my spiritual center, not religious and conflicted but still looking for God, I bought into the fundamentalist view that homosexually was an act of choice, and that abortion was a sin. On the political side I bought into Reaganomic, after it appeared to be working, and neo-conservative viewpoints of the era. I was a young man, struggling to make my way in the world. After getting out of the service, I struggle to find and keep jobs, which I blamed on Carter and his lousy handling of the economy, and of course the “liberal” idea of affirmative action. I bought the conservative view that affirmative action was nothing more than a liberal hand out to people who didn’t work to have to work to succeed. After all, I was struggling and no one was there to help me out. And what about all those mothers sucking the system dry with their welfare claims, why should I be made to pay, when I did have a job, for their mistakes. I’d spent a several years growing up in a house with single mother struggling daily to make ends meet, and a dead beat Dad who did little to help. Sorry Dad, but you know that’s the truth. My Mom never went on welfare to make things easier.
Finally, it took me many years to come to the realization that I was a very bitter young man. I’d never got any help to do anything in my life. Mom could never help out, she was still struggling to take care of my sisters, 4 and 6 years younger than I, and Dad all but refused to help. Actually he all but disappeared from my life at that point. Two things that stand out in my youth at lead to this bitterness; first, at about age 11, while arguing about me, I learned that my Dad was not my Father. I spent many years believe I was the sole reason that for my parents separation and divorce. The second was a little activity that took place when I was about 13. I was living in Connecticut with my Dad and the bitch my stepmother. I was a better than average student, but didn’t really apply myself; I got decent grades, usually B’s, without really working that hard. I was already pretty messed up mentally by then, so I didn’t see any real benefit in trying too hard. Dad and the bitch my stepmother would ask me almost weekly what I wanted to do when I grew up? I’d was really sure at the time, but, I’d come up with something or another, to which the return response would be, “Well you know you’re going to have to get better grades to get into a good college to do that…” The message I got was, “you’re not good enough.” Something I was already having re-enforced routinely, I wasn’t in Connecticut by choice, and I knew very well that neither my Dad nor stepmother wanted me there, interfering with their new life together. So, after several months of this badgering about my future and never any reason for the comment, I finally responded one day, “Well then I just won’t go to college!” The immediate answer from Dad? “Great, then I don’t have to pay for it!” It wasn’t until years later that I realized that this was probably his plan all along and the way he justified it. I wasn’t his real son anyway, right? Bitter? Hell yes I was bitter! While it still hurt to think about it, and writing it out here hasn’t been a pleasant experience, but, I’d like to think I’ve move past that bitterness. Throughout the decades, he’s never really done anything to change my views of him, but, that fodder for a later post. Maybe.
Anyway, never really getting a hand up, or hand out to help me, I brought into the conservative viewpoint hook, line, and sinker. That, and in the early ’80, with Regan in charge of the country, my life was beginning to turn around. Beginning to succeed by my own guile re-enforced the conservative notion that, if I could pull myself by my own boot-straps, everyone could do it, if they really wanted it enough, right? I didn’t realize it until just recently, just how perfect a candidate I was for the conservative movement.
Next time for the conservative confessions, I’ll start discussing where things started to change, but the next post will be on my religious enlightenment.
I do hope you enjoy my writings, or at least find something interesting, but you’ve warned…
Many will hate it, and I’m okay with that too.
Your comments or questions are welcome, even though I may well ignore some of them.
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