Let me just that at this point in my life, I neither believe nor disbelieve in God. The existence of God is neither provable nor disprovable. I simply do not know, and I can live with that concept. I have come to understand that this is so much about this universe we live in that we don’t understand. Knowing this, I am comfortable with the possibility that the human race is a happy cosmic accident.
All of research, and I have research religion, particularly the Christian religion fairly extensively, I have come to the following conclusion: “Faith is the ability to believe in something in the absences of evidence. Blind faith is the ability to believe in something in defiance of evidence.”
I was raised a good Catholic boy (well, okay I wasn’t really that good) on the south side of the Silicon Valley. Every Sunday was in the pews for an hour or so, sit, kneel, stand… sit, kneel, stand… repeat about every five minute until done. Occasionally, would come the elbow in the ribs, or the slap on the back of the head from Dad, as I got fidgety or nodded off. Come to think of it, the frequent thumps on the noggin may explain some of my current day daffiness… rattling a youngster’s brain pan that often can’t be good. Then there was the Thursday catechism class, boy that was real fun. I’d rather have gone to the dentist, and he was a masochist. But, I was doing what my parents wanted and expected of me, and not really in a position to complain. Besides, up the age of about eight life was pretty good. Then things pretty much went to hell in hand basket. Mom and Dad marriage had begun to unravel and as such, the lives of my sisters and I began to unravel with it. So, to say the least, the church thing became a bit (understatement) more inconsistent, and out the window flew my Father’s dream from me to become an Alter Boy. Now that I think about it, give all news about Catholic Priests in recent years, it’s probably a good thing my Father’s dream was never realized.
From about nine to about 16 I really did try couple of times to get with the program. But, by the time I was seventeen, I had pretty much decided that Catholicism was not for me. The end of The Godfather in 1972 really tore it for me. I do realize now, as I did at the time, that this movie was a dramatization, but in the end where Michael is in the church for his nephew’s baptism professing his belief in God and denouncing evil, while the murders, he ordered, of where occurring brought home for me the what I had begun to understand and believe is the hypocrisy of the Catholic Church. The idea that you could do anything you want all week long, and then be forgiven of all sins before God on Sunday morning… absolution to be had for a couple of pray and no real repercussion, no matter how heinous the sins. The only explanation to be offered for my conundrum, don’t try to figure out the ways of God, which is too complex for mere mortals to understand, instead just except that this is the way of the Lord.
Guess what? That doesn’t work of a kid who has always wanted to know why things are… and, anyone who was ever told that the why is because I said so, usually proves to be incapable of supplying an coherent answer.
From 17 until I was in my earlier forties, I tried, off and on, various Christian denominations. I figured there are so many different versions of Christianity that maybe someone had answers to my question. Not one of them could answer my questions. I always received basically the same answer, God is who he is, and if you believe strongly enough and give all your glory to God, you don’t need an explanation. I have never been one to successfully suspend reason to believe in something. I believe, even if I don’t necessarily understand the explanation, there is a logical and supportable explanation for everything in the universe. No one has ever presented me with that explanation for God. Every answer I have received has a requirement to suspend knowledge and just accept that which defies explanation.
I have also come to understand that there is a component of all Christianity that goes back to a serious concern I have Catholicism, and the Christian version is even more troubling for me… Christians are not perfect, just forgiven. I have been told by many Christians that as long as I accept Jesus Christ (another issue for me) in my heart before I die, I will be forgiven and accepted into heaven. The logical side of me says that this means, I can be an absolutely despicable and evil asshole for my entire life, and as long as I accept Christ in my heart in my final moments, it’s all good. I just can’t reconcile that concept in any meaningful way. Couple this way the idea that the Holy Bible is the one true word of God, and yet there are so many dozens of Christian sects that claim as their own, believing only those components which they feel support their particular brand of Christianity. How can it be the one true word, and interpreted so differently by so many people?
It has become my view that religion requires blind faith in order to be successful, and there are most apparently billions of people around the world willing to give that level of commitment to their religions. If you are one of those billions and that makes your life work for you in your life, I really am happy for you. But, I would recommend that you read no further, because you will not like what you read in the posts that follow this one.
I will be alternating religious and political posts as I make my confessions.
I do hope you enjoy my writings, or at least find something interesting, but you’ve warned…
Most people will hate it. I’m okay with that too.
Your comments or questions are welcome.
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